


Smells Like College Students

by surskitty



Series: One Sky, One Destiny [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-15
Updated: 2009-11-15
Packaged: 2017-10-02 21:46:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surskitty/pseuds/surskitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There're inherent problems with living in a castle in a world with no agriculture, or, indeed, any marketable trades at all.  One day, Roxas gets tasks infinitely more interesting (and irritating) than fighting Heartless and collecting floating Nobody symbols.</p><p>It's not an improvement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smells Like College Students

Axel looked distinctly pleased when Roxas walked into the lounge; Roxas was reminded vaguely of the physical with Vexen, or possibly Heartless duty with Marluxia. Nothing good ever happened to other people when someone had that sort of grin, at least.

"Today, you are to acquire groceries, handle the laundry, and assist Xigbar in recovering his tracking device," Saïx said, paying more attention to his fingernails (_was that blood under them? Is that sanitary?_) than to what he was saying.

Roxas blinked. "Not 'defeat Heartless'?"

"Demyx and Luxord left for a bit -- something about a laser dragon -- and the boss man's off who knows where," said Xigbar pleasantly. He seemed to have been meditating upside-down three meters into the air. "Which leaves you! Have fun."

"Why me?"

Axel stretched. "Last I checked, I'm banned from laundry duty, Xigbar and Xaldin end up making bombs instead of dinner, Saïx breaks everything he touches, Xion is dealing with mysteries only Larxene'd understand, and you complained yesterday about how fighting Heartless is the only thing you do around here."

He thought about that for a moment. He had a point, but.... "Why aren't any of the lesser Nobodies doing it?"

_We lack fingers._

That made sense, he supposed. "What do I do?" he finally said, to Axel.

The grin widened, to Roxas's dismay. "I'll walk you through it," he said as he opened a portal. He stepped back and gestured: _after you_.

Roxas nodded slightly and walked through.

* * *

The other side of the portal smelled strongly of pig dung. "Eugh," Roxas said intelligently.

Axel sniffed. "What's the matter?"

"What's that smell?"

"What smell?" He shrugged, faking innocence.

Given that he was in the fresh produce section of some sort of market, Roxas had little idea what reeked. It didn't make sense! "You really don't smell it?" Axel shrugged. "... well, let's get this over with. What do we need?"

Axel looked up. "Let's see. Bell peppers, hot peppers, mangoes, lychee, asparagus, pineapple, corn, durian, ginger, mushrooms, garlic, daikon..." he said, counting off on his fingers, "... tomatoes, potatoes, bananas, plantains, cabbage, eggplant, and tofu."

Roxas blinked blankly. "... is that everything?"

"Just the produce." He clapped Roxas's shoulder.

"How do you remember that?" he said, mystified.

Axel _preened_. "I got it _memorized._"

"... why do I know you."

"That hurt deep. That hurts me real deep."

Roxas shook his head, smiling slightly. "Where do we start? I recognized half of those."

"First, we --"

* * *

After twenty minutes of searching for fruits and vegetables -- half of which Roxas didn't recognize; what's the difference between cabbage and lettuce? -- Roxas had a whole new level of appreciation for Demyx. "Do we really need the large spiky thing that smells _really bad_?" he said, sulking.

"Yep!"

"Why."

Axel whistled. "Xigbar wanted one." Which was true, but only because Axel asked him to get it once and Xigbar had approved of horrifying everyone else. It helped that Zexion knew a wonderful recipe for durian cake, so they even had an excuse.

"_Did_ he."

"'course!"

He sighed. "... well, what else."

"Pepper --"

"-- but we have two types of peppers already."

"PEPPER," he repeated, "salt, paprika, turmeric, chili powder, vinegar, rice vinegar, rice, nori, brown rice, flour, baking soda, canola oil, olive oil, tomato sauce, sixteen different kinds of cheese, the entire alcohol section (we're stealing that), vanilla, cocoa butter --"

Roxas looked at the carts in dismay. "Why are there so many repeats?"

"Because everyone wants something else. -- mustard seed, mustard, eggs, milk, butter, tuna, steak, corned beef, beef, two chickens, a duck, honey, salmon, and whatever else looks interesting." He took a small bow.

Roxas looked appropriately impressed. "How do you remember that?"

"Magic," he said as he pulled a rubber chicken out of his cloak and set it on Roxas's head. Roxas swatted at it, but it didn't fall. "Deep magic and a few rounds of grocery duty with Saïx."

"Who does this usually?"

Axel smiled faintly. "Demyx or Luxord; Demyx keeps shopping lists, while Luxord gets the Gamblers to do it. Zexion and Lexaeus used to, too." His smile sharpened again; Roxas decided he'd get a spray bottle, too, and maybe ask Saïx for advice. Saïx knew Axel, right?

"Why Zexion?"

"He cooked dinner, usually."

"Huh."

* * *

After the shopping was done, with only one cashier nearly dying before he accepted one tenth of the bill as a 'special favour for valued customers', the two brought the massive load back to the Castle with only _some_ assistance from Berserkers.

_We could have done it,_ the Samurai said in unison, but the Berserkers shook in reply.

_Our liege requested it._

Roxas frowned. "Why?"

"Maybe because you'd drop it," Axel said.

"The Samurai or Assassins should've done it."

"Spindly arms, Roxas. S P I N D L Y. Spindly. Means 'skinny and breaks like a twig, or Demyx's resolve in a fight.'"

"How does the washing machine work?"

"I threaten to light Demyx on fire until he does it."

"... How does the dryer work?"

"... Demyx'd still be there."

* * *

No one ever asked about the tracking device.


End file.
